Spnak

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the building have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately
express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative ‘TRY SAYING’ phrases
have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can
continue in an effective manner.

1. Try Saying:

I think you could do with more training

Instead Of:

You don’t have a f***ing clue, do you?

2. Try Saying:

She’s an aggressive go-getter.

Instead Of:

She’s a f***ing power-crazy b*tch

3. Try Saying:

Perhaps I can work late

Instead Of:

And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?

4. Try Saying:

I’m certain that isn’t feasible

Instead Of:

F*** off a*se-wipe

5. Try Saying:

Really?

Instead Of:

Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole

6. Try Saying:

Perhaps you should check with…

Instead Of:

Tell someone who gives a f***.

7. Try Saying:

I wasn’t involved in the project.

Instead Of:

Not my f***ing problem, mate.

8. Try Saying:

That’s interesting.

Instead Of:

What the f***?

9. Try Saying:

I’m not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.

Instead Of:

No f***ing chance mate.

10. Try Saying:

It will be tight, but I’ll try to schedule it in

Instead Of:

Why the f*** didn’t you tell me that yesterday?

11. Try Saying:

He’s not familiar with the issues

Instead Of:

He’s got his head up his f***ing a*se.

12. Try Saying:

Excuse me, sir?

Instead Of:

Oi, f*** face.

13. Try Saying:

Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway

Instead Of:

Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway.

So here I am off work for the best part of two weeks due to the old Bi Polar thing playing up and I am actually bored. It’s not right you know. For weeks I have been wishing for time off so I can catch up on some stuff I wanted to do around the old house of Spnak and now I have had the time I have got didley squat done.

So my plan is to just give up work and sit around and procrastinate for a living. I shall of course take occassionall breaks in slacking to actually do something of use to my other spnakers. I shall on the rare times get out of my vibrating chair that is like a (in my brothers words)  Vibrator you sit in (he has such a way with the old wordy type things.)

No really in all seriousness I will not be slacking for much longer as the call of work beckons next Monday where I shall endevour to keep my job until at least my birthday arrives. This my dear readers could be a slight mamouth of tasks seeing as I Get the distinct impression that the old firm are trying to get rid of me. The Farewell cards on my desk over Christmas instead of Christmas cards that would normally festoon ones desk at the jolly old season were a noticeable give away. Not to mention the odd person walking up to my desk and proclaiming

“Oh it’s good to see you back… we were told that you were dead”
“UMMM no” I reply in mock shock ” I just give off that impression when working here and staring at the screen of death for 5 hours a day”
To which they would walk of wondering of I was actually dead or just being a sarcastic bastard….. Both of which could apply depending on my mood at any given moment in a working day.

If I didn’t work it would be so much easier… I could become acquainted again with the joys of daytime TV that one working stiff neglects or has no real interest in when working (even as a part timer who only works in the afternoon I still don’t watch much daytime TV.) Daytime TV really can be useful. Last time I was off for a long time I almost sold the house for 149.995 on Homes under the hammer and I almost moved to New Zealand on a whim when the Wonderful Nadia Swahala said that it was a glorious place to relocate to in your retirement.

I think I should start writing more often just to give my mind something to do other than catch up on Doctor Who shows that I was to young to remember the first time around.

Until Next Time…